panpan panpan

life goes on...as boring as.. ahh tatau. i hate weekends like this. stay at home. the simple boooring routine. bangun pagi, check friendster, facebook. that's it. chatting if there's someone nak layan. lagi sakit hati if orang macam taknak layan and buat sombong. omg! what a life. then bukak buku. konon nak study. but then end up berangan.....uhhh...

ohh naseb baik today ade orang nak layan. was wannie and marzuki. eventhough just for a while. ahha a while..like 2 hrs jugak laa... kalau tak..it's just a **** day. actually i have so many issues to be raised today. but then nanti banyak sangat.

wannie with her bus issue...bas dah depan mata..dah sampai dah...maybe she's trying hard to negotiate dgn konductor to let herself in....or maybe the bus driver. and later i asked her to paint the bus cantik-cantik... :) ohh wannie...i'm soooo happy fer ya! and i'm always happy to listen to your stories... jangan risau...

and yeah. that is the issue of the day. and i'm getting crazy. ohh mira. i just want to say.. perjanjian kite terbatal & dibatalkan okayh. i don't feel like wanting it right now yet. :) so, terbatal and hataran mira takkan jatuh harga :D hihihihi. that sounds good kan?

and..one more thing. marzuki la ni. he told me not to have yet. and after thinking for A WHILE, he's right. i just don't need to mess up for all these things yet. :) ohh thanks bratha.

ohh one more thing. mira, sorry bout that night. how are both of you going on? takde pape kan? i'm soooo sorry... tercakap kat dia.. sebab sangatlah geram that time.. sorry tau mira... :)

one more thing. i have this feeling when someone quite important to me deleted me from her friends list. ahh. geramlaaaa... no more bulletins from her to let me know whatever she's doing. and i dont feel close to her anymore. i have no idea what she's doing and all.. i'm still on her facebook friends but facebook dia tak update...aih. why? why does this happen? and sampai bila i'll be looking for all those?!

how?why?

life goes on...streesed out!

am i so difficult to be understand? i forget the fact that not everyone knows me. :) i have no idea how my friends thinks of me. i mean about me. my self. how am i with them? my relationship with them. my words. my thoughts. everything.. just nak tau. life been so difficult. eh entahla. i need some comments on this issue.

the weekend part 2

this is what the thing i wanted to talk about.

why love hurts and people keep on asking why can't a good girl gets the right guy for her and why can't a good guy gets the right girl for himself? why is that fate been written at first place??? well, to me it's just a matter of expectation. how we expect them to be and how much they are expecting from us.

no matter who we fall for, just don't ever expect to much from each other. It is just the matter of understanding each other. we might expect our partner to do this and that but actually they have no idea what is going on in our mind. they have no idea what we are actually thinking and expecting. like normally, one side will expect that the relationship is until the end..marrying each other and live happily ever after. did they ever asked the other side how they actually feel? oh maybe they have discussed the matter but actually the other side were just saying okay just to please their partner. maybe they just want a relationship. that's all. they're not looking or searching for a soulmate yet. well, people agree sometimes just to please and not wanting to hurt the other. and this really happens. that is why love hurts.


so, in relationship there's actually no right or wrong. if both agrees and knows and understands by heart (bukan paksarela) what each other wants it'll actually turns up better and worth for both. i think that is the reason orang tua-tua always reminds us when involving in relationship, both must try to understands each other. it's not easy though. give and take is important. those are the roses yang menceriakan taman...to make it lively..happy.. love is also when dua hati jadi satu. it's a process of learning. learn. learn. learn to know each other forever.

this particular issue is actually a reminder to me. not again anytime to get this thing involve in my life too soon. i always have to hold it back and stop it from coming near me. learn about the other side first. get to know them first. normally at this age of mine, people are actually looking for a friendship. more than a friend. we need and wants attention, to be loved, to be taken care of, and it's just a feeling. people my age just can't afford to get married yet. we have to be established first. it's too soon to think about marriage now. so, get that as a point. it's not that love hurts. it's just tak faham antara satu sama lain. that's why happened all those curang or cari bf/gf lain.

actually, the sooner we thinks about it, the further it goes. it means lagi awal, lagi jauh kite perlu berlari untuk mengejar cita-cita yang tak pasti. the journey is simply too far away. if it comes later, i mean if we thinks about it later, when we are stable and established, then when we start thinking about the serious matter of relationship it will come a sense. than that will be the time. tak perlu nak lari jauh-jauh. dah ada depan mata. tak payah tunggu lama-lama.

so people, correct me if i'm wrong. :)

the weekend

life goes on...like usual...boring + hectic!

i spent the whole yesterday studying..and today i'm also suppose to study..daa what else?! i'm still a student!haha~ can't wait to work. by that time i'll start complaining about my tonnes of undone jobs.. and also problems with people around me!haha~i'm able to predict! because that's me. non stop complaining.. :)

this morning i've been watching dramas on my list which i missed since it's been a busy week+internet connection was sucks~ sindarela & viceversa. everyone should watch viceversa episode 1. it'll open your mind! about marriage i guess.. ohh and wannie should watch this 1st episode!!! :) relationship is not easy you know!

why is it so hard to make our partner to understand us? haha~i read a friend of mine's blog. it made my eyes & thoughts wide opened. being in relationship is not easy yaww.. the feeling is just fine. but it hurts more.

*i have so many things to talk about. but i don't have time right now & let me think of the right words. just for these few words at the moment. i'll be back later for updates :)

birthday wishes

i'm 21 today!! :)
thank you to everyone who wished me, sms, tried to call, on facebook and friendster. thank you soo much. tapi at midnight yesterday i was asleep. betul-betul deep sleep. penat sangat! anyway, thank you to everyone..

i manage to save some of my messages just to put it on my blog.. as a 21st birthday wishes..once in a lifetime...

nana at 00:00. kama at 00:00. ash at 00:01. ika at 00:03. siti at 00:03. wannie at 00:06. aimy at 00:52. yana jr at 1:12. aini at 1:29. amshar at 1:50. mysara at 2:09. daddy at 7:00. sharifah shaliza alia at 8:42. safia salim at 10:05. marzuki at 10:33. ecah at 10:42. sunil kumar at 15:04. hasnul at 15:42. amir isyam at 17:40. no'or. syima. yaya. kukeys. syahir. rafiq. mira. liyana rabuan. jaz. hazim's na. dayana. izati mazlan. aina jr. kak aby. marissa. aisyah zaini. syahrain. syamim. ainaa. diana hakim. ain fuat. jiba. omar. intan. puvy. izyan farhana. ija. ucu.


ohh tak pernah dapat wish as much as this one after i left school. :) ohh ramai jugak yang ingat.
thank you everyone!!! :)

something wrong somewhere

this thing keep on waving, saying hello, going on in my head! argh. and i'm hating it. i'm sorry but i just have to write it down. my resolution was not to write things that made me down. but i simply have to. terpaksa melanggar peraturan sendiri. haha~

it begins when a friend wants a bf who could play guitar. sort of cool bf.

ohh. it's about my ex. that day i talked to mira. erm. chatting actually. how perfect he is. haha~takdela that perfect but he is quite perfect and it's difficult for me to ask for more. he is more like who i want. not like my bfs before him which i simply accept them until i myself get bored. but not with this one. he has almost all of what i want. he's like a rock star. talking about music. he could play what you want him to play. guitar boleh. bass boleh. drum boleh. keyboard boleh. i asked him to play me a song and he end up playing me songs for almost 1 hour. what else can i ask for?! haha~being me, having him was awesome. he is like everyone's mc dreamy kot. he's a pilot yg banyak duit, cute-looking, baby face yg jambu giler, caring and tak stingy langsung~ like..nothing else to describe, other than perfect.

but of course. again mira reminded me that he is not that perfect. yes. and he is not when it comes to all those yang memang tak boleh bla. he left me for another girl. ahh of course. he's so jambu until ramai yang berebut-rebut. to tell the truth, he came to me. i didn't ask for him.. just usha from far. talked to him once for absolute reason. that's all and that's it!

being him, he's been living with his normal-wild-life routine for the past 3-4 years. of course he'll not going to change for someone he just met for 2-3 months. bagus jugak actually. i'm not his type. he meant it when he said that we are not going as far as i wish. yes. and if i knew that he'd been doing that all the while, i wouldn't accept him at first place. but the 3 months relationship went so far and deep in my heart. it took me almost 8 months to heal. alhamdulillah i'm fine now. it's just sometimes. sometimes i can't get him off. that's why i'm afraid. afraid to lose again. afraid to fall in love, be in love, to be loved. once is enough. that's more than enough.

karma. that's a word? is it just a word? i think that is actually what goes around comes around. and that is nature. just be strong. someone better is waiting. i believe that. we were made in pairs.. so, just wait for my turn... hope it's not too soon though.

i'm here praying the best for him. semoga dia akan sentiasa hidup dengan bahagia with whomever he's with :) and to that lucky lady... take good care of him. he has more to be taken care.

pre 21st birthday!!!

location : midvalley & the gardens
theme : red!

it's a wonderful day!!! my birthday celebration. from my beloved dearlinggsss :) 5 of us, without wannie n tiqah. however it was awesome! and i really really really enjoyed it! thanks to everyone.

the theme color was red. everyone was in red except mira. pink. haha~takpe2.. still ade merah siket2. hihi~ they gave me a huge bear named dearling :) soo cute. thank you ladies..

ohh k. the day...
we had our lunch at Madam Kwan's. me, siti and nana had Nasi Lemak, while mira and ash had Nasi Ayam. :) naseb baik the foods were also awesome. tak rugi bayar mahal-mahal. haha~ they also bought me a slice of chocolate indulgance and a slice of chocolate strawberry from secret recipe. :) ahh.. a happy day.. and i really had fun and really enjoyed myself being around them!

a short note.

it's my blog. i can say whatever i want right? hmm..

i think i'm in love. in love. or maybe falling in love. a feeling towards someone. i don't know who. okay. of course i know who. but i don't really know who and how that person is. i'm trying hard not to let myself fall for it. i mean it! it's not the time yet.

i'm hating myself for it. *sigh*
well...it's just an expression. :) nothing much.

i love myself~

today....

another hectic week. no time for anything except study. huh. i just can't wait to start work. but then another challenge will come. i'll have to face different commander everyday..ohh my!

i'm missing my gurls so mucchhhh!!!!hope to see them someday in this month. it's been 2-3 months since our last meet up. ohh missing them a lot. i was thinking to go some makan-makan later. but then i've no idea what's on my next schedule. ohh noo... and i cant wait till wannie comes back. missing her. ahhah. i'm missing her so much as if i've been seeing the others. haha.

ohh. this entry. tiqah.
i've no idea what's going on with her. a not-so-loyal boyfriend. ohh memang tak loyal. bukan not-so-loyal. crazy guy. dah ade girlfriend lain and dah jadi ex- yet still denying. ahh. what i can say...to my dearlings...please please please don't fall in love at this time. it hurts. everyone is not ready to be hurt. trust me. and my girls are not ready yet. i can't afford to see them like orang putus cinta yg tek tentu arah. everything will mess up! no no no!!!!! i've felt that. and i'm so sure they've felt that too. as wannie said. walaupun dah tau it hurts, tapi nak jugak. feel in love. to be in love. ahha. papepun kite doakan korang bahagia...

ohh. i have 1 interesting plan. nak main layang-layang near wannie and siti's place in Kepong. on the way to school. hmm..tunggu wannie balik dulu. :D but then if kami tak sabar and pegi jugak.. sorry eh wannie.. nanti kite gi lagi bile awak balik k :)

waaahhh...

waahh..it's been about 10 days..oohh lame jugak tak blogging..been a bit busy these few days.class has started back. so, i'm back to school. and it reminds me of schooling time those days. hectic days everyday. penat. that's all i can describe. everyday with tonnes of notes to study. tonnes of new things to practice. ohh my...and hoping to be outstanding always.. not for what people see/says/think, but for my self satisfaction :)

ohh Aimy came back this weekend. wah wah.. dah pandai paw orang skarang.. haha~but nevermind. my sister afterall..just give it.whatever she wants.but 1 thing. she loves shopping. so, she'll keep on asking for money to shop. haih. blom keje lagi dah pandai...

hm..actually this is my real topic. why is that lately i heard a lot about relationship????!!! i mean peoples around me keep on asking me and talking n commenting on the subject: relationship? maybe my mistake to talk to those peoples..haha~ yeah. peoples like kak shila and kak ima from MFA. rimas laaahhh...n i also dreamt of his girlfriend. hhaha~what ever. that's a subject i can't get rid of. silly me. until today, it's been nearly 9 months. haih. bosan laaa....haha~but i'm not ready for it yet.. just not yet.

okay now back to real life. ohh i just need rest. eventhough i had enough before. why am i always feeling sleepy everytime? is it lack of vitamins or lack of sleep? that's not right. i had enough sleep everyday. 6-7 hrs at least. hmm...