boleh tolong tak?

tolong berhenti bagi harapan boleh tak?
keadaan ini menyeksakan.
betul.
tak tipu.

home.

saya sudah pulang.
yes.
i'm back home!!!
kembali berpijak di bumi nyata.
selamat tinggal percutian terindah.
bersedia menghadapi sebarang kesukaran dan kemungkinan.

selamat datang kembali kehidupan.
bandung-jakarta-bali >>kamu yang terindah!

hey :)

i'll be off to bandung-jakarta-bali!! :)
will be back on 29th.
awww tak sabarnyeeee!!!!!!

and i missed work!
i really do when things happens.

thank you thank you!!!

everyone.
thank you!
especially to my dearlingsss :)
thank you so much for coming to the dinner.
was at delicious KL.
yeah. i was a bit late.
tapi i really did enjoyed it!

terima kasih juga to:
mira & feedo: for the lovely paris hilton hairess gift set! (omg mira, u really know me!oh.both of us yang paling tak sensitive, and i never thought you'll give me that sweet lovely perfume!taste kite sama!!!!)
nana & farhoud: that lovely necklace.sangat sweet :) i should've worn it that night.tapi sbb tak bukak, tak tau ape ada dalam.haihhsss
ash: the mug.okay,it's panjang gila okay.
siti: for the lovely card
jang and wan: for coming :)

22nd year of living

yeah.
22 today.
thanks for the wishes!!!

syaaban, nana, siti, diana hakim, ainaa, zedrin, ash, ika, murali, wannie, tiqah.
jang, mira, sa, natasha, nadhirah, zalikha.

daddy & aimy.

thank you for rememberance :)

i really appreciate that!

***********
earlier today, i went out with a friend. and bought myself an Oakley!!! yeayyy!!! Oakley!!! dah lama sangat cari Oakley, tapi tak jumpa yang sesuai. and i've got it today :) thanks for accompany! :)

and i bought a new pair of running shoes. for my gym! :) semangat nihhh!!!! heee~

hari bahagia!!

tapi...
permulaan hari ke 18 bulan mac, agak suram. haha.
lepas ni, berjanji pada diri sendiri, tiada lagi berada di luar rumah tepat jam 12 malam setiap hari ke 18 bulan mac lagi! not anymore!

so, summary for my 22nd year celebration:
1. brand new squasy racquet O3 speedport hybrid :)
2. brand new Oakley
3. brand new Nike training shoes.

*ini semua adalah hadiah termahal untuk diri sendiri setakat ini.

up down up down up?down?

ok.rupanya tak indah skandal nih.
and tak indah at one time keluar with banyak-banyak orang.
and tak indah, bila complain banyak-banyak takde orang nak ajak keluar,
sekali, orang ajak keluar bertubi-tubi.
kenapa selalu mcm ni?

hidup oh hidup!!!!!
is it good or is it bad?
is it some ups or is it some downs??

tapi hati tetap pada yang itu.
walau sejuta datang, tetap pada yang itu.
i'm certain about it!

rome was not built in a day! :)

akan kecewa lagi.

yes.akan.
perasaan itu tidak pergi jauh.
ia pergi dan datang kembali.

take things slow.
effort kena ada.
be prepared for the worst, considering all those times spent chasing might go to waste.
kena faham, these things don't always go your way.
but since it's been long, might as well try your best. work extra hard.

thanks for the thoughts.
i understand.
and malam ini, kecewa lagi.
i'll back off.
i will.
and i'm putting effort on it.
i am!

"Selalunya orang yang kita sayang,suka membuatkan kita dalam keadaan teruji.Selalunya orang yang kita sayang,suka membuatkan kita terkeliru.Selalunya orang yang kita sayang, suka membuatkan kita terluka.Selalunya orang yang kita sayang, suka membuatkan kita terkilan.Selalunya orang yang kita sayang, suka membuatkan tahap kesabaran kita menipis.Dan selalunya orang yang kita sayang,suka hadir bila memerlukan dan pergi tanpa meninggalkan pesan"

-dapat kat facebook Nurul Fatiha :)

friday the 13th?

semalam.
tiada apa yang tak best!
semua benda best!
and benda yang hampir menyesal, kemudian, jadi aku cinta! :) heeee

at first, woke up in the morning, no calls from office.
rasa menyesal bangun awal-awal sebab tahu akan bosan.

but then, had lunch with gym instructor. ngeheeee~
gaya dia sebijik macam a friend of mine, who likes me, but i don't like him back. sejiban! went out with him the night before, dah perasan, but ignored. then lunch sama, memang sejiban!

then, jumpa abg ad kat pyramid, then went to KLCC. setelah bertahun tak jejak KLCC!!!!! huahuahua~erm.dapat tengok-tengok Oakley. tapi, as usual, none suits me! :(

dinner.
dengan jang, wan and siti together with abg ad :)
some seofood restaurant.
aww aww. perasaan tak mahu lepas, nak ikut diorang for dessert. tapi, berjaya mengawal. then followed abg ad to a club. tatau ah nama ape. some suria thingy..hee~

listened to live band. eh not bad. i think after years or so many months. hehe.
tapi masih membenci keadaan club which smells asap rokok. busuk sampai bangun tido tadi.
shuhsh.

okay. rindu nak dengar live band dah terlepas :)
and as usual, requested songs never been played. haha.

tapi semalam best!
and baru dapat number wan. there's one statement of wan, yang buat hati berfikir (leave it unknown to others), tapi lepas tu rasa bersalah sebab buat benda yang tak sepatutnya..hmm..

i am

dreaming of becoming a beauty queen.

agak susah.

to adapt people's life into our's.
to make it our's.
and it's just to difficult to make it real,
when we know the fact that it's impossible.
to fullfill everyone's wish.
it's too difficult.
i'm afraid i can't make it.
i'm afraid to admit the fact that i'll hurt them.
or worst thing, i'll hurt myself.

i just don't want to be hurt anymore. i mean, anymore! at all.
never again.

mungkin sebenarnya...

hari akan indah kalau kita pandai indahkan haritu.
harini indah.
tapi hasil usaha orang lain.
so, macam mana?

manusia kalau tak bekira pasal duit tak boleh ke?
kalau pakai hati dan perasaan untuk decide tak boleh ke?

oh.teringat.

2 tahun lalu, harini hari paling bahagia.
tapi tak tau pulak, sebenarnya permulaan kepada satu penderitaan.
aku dah buang jauh-jauh.
hati dah dihantar ke bintang.
tadi baru bagitau wannie.
sbb bintang ada banyak, taktau hati nak mendarat kat mana.
so, takan lagi hati hancur berkecai.
akan sentiasa selamat terpelihara, dengan kesan retakan yang dah disambungkan semula.
jom hantar hati ke bintang, sayang :)
tolong jangan paksa aku cari hati yang dah dihantar.
sebab courier aku tiada teknologi tinggi.
tidak akan dapat aku ketahui, samada dah smpai atau apa, atau dimana hati berada.

wannie,
i love you.
remember. i'm always here for you.
jangan sedih sayang :)
misi kita bersama, harus terlaksana.
ingat tau :)

ahha.

karma beb!
KARMA!
terkena kat kau?
selamat melalui kehidupan yang pernah aku lalui.
and i did not blame it on you.
i'm serious.

and terima kasih kerana menghubungi aku. walaupun i tried to get to know you like 2 years back. and kau tak layan. aku just nak tahu, apa kelebihan kau berbanding aku. itu saja. itu saja. and kau tak pernah layan.

tapi takpe.
naseb kita sama.
yang ni jela. yang lain, lain.

tapi, walaubagaimanapun, terima kasih.
terima kasih sebab nak dengar cerita aku.
tapi dah 2 tahun berlalu.
tak tau aku ingat lagi ke tak perasaan tu.
sebab aku memang dah tiada perasaan.

lagi dan lagi.never ending.

perasaan aneh, kembali menjengah.
selamat tinggal hari yang indah.

yeah. just got home from a cool evening :)
but, farewell for kak mimi just before she leave for jakarta.
and i think i'm going to jakarta :) soon. pretty soon.
untuk menghilangkan stress!
yes, stress!!!!

and benda paling stress di dunia, apabila tidak pandai menggambarkan perasaan. tidak pandai meluahkan kata-kata. and orang tak faham apa yang cuba dinyatakan.

stress tau!

tidak mengaku.

semakin hari,
semakin tidak keruan.

oh.harini rasa macam nak demam.
tak tahu. demam apa.
been lack of rest these few days.
but i like it when i don't have time for myself.
i like it when i don't need to think about anything which will make me depressed.
fikiran tidak akan terganggu.

tapi,
badan letih.
tapi semua benda nak buat.
rasa sangat perlukan rest, tapi tak nak.
dan.
sangat benci bilik bersepah lagak tongkang pecah di perairan selat melaka.

no good feeling.
but no bad feeling.
oh, maybe ada. tapi sangat sedikit masa yang diperuntukkan untuk itu.
yes.
sangat perlu kehidupan ini.
untuk membina semula motivasi.

to dream of creating smiles on my face :)
again!

empty

thats the song i'm currently listening to.
and i am.
really empty.
at the moment;
mode bengang.
ok. that's not cool.
at all!!
figuring out the lyrics.
i really am.
empty!!!

*just got my roster report. and it's not like what i hoped!
and i felt empty.

yesterday was a blast!
we went to watch a squasy game at national squasy complex, bukit jalil.
the day fullfilled with all the best and happy moments.
had dinner at village view, and later on, dessert at baskin robbins mont kiara.
it was a blast!
but as soon as i get back home,
life's back to basic.
yes.
a boring day, today.
a silent night.

i've start not appreciating life anymore.
i know.
i need changes.
but just don't know what.

>>and i think i'm suffering depression right now. i need a break. and i just need someone to be with me. i need people. GOD, help me!!!!!!!

i'm cursed!
ada orang yang sangat suka and ucapkan kata rindu dan sebagainya, tapi aku akan tolak mentah-mentah.
dan akhirnya,
orang yang aku nak, memang takkan nak kat aku.
nak demam!

*kalau suka, akan just suka. tapi, kalau tak suka, akan just tak suka, walaupun hanta bunga seguni, bagi perfume sebakul, teddy bear selambak. kalau tak suka, memang susah nak buat aku suka.

i'm actually confused.
i don't know how my chracteristics are.
can anyone list it down?
i've been thinking a lot!
some people says i'm this and some says i'm that.
i'm not sure how to judge.

okay. i need help on this! :) pleaseeee~