Thursday, December 31, 2009

farewell 2009

its time to say goodbye
to cherish all the moments
to forget the past
to live with the lessons learned
to become mature in every single things

i hope 2009 gave a real good lessons to everyone
made everyone more mature in every manner
had made everyone even stronger and wiser

its time to put the past behind
and to live the present
and always dream the future

i hope it'll be better years ahead to everyone;
in every single aspect of life.

2009, i'll cherish you.

welcome 2010.
i hope it'll be a much more better years ahead
for me to cherish.
:)

Sunday, December 27, 2009

menuggumu..

Didalam sebuah cinta terdapat bahasa
Yang mengalun indah mengisi jiwa
merindukan kisah kita berdua
Yang tak pernah bisa akan terlupa

Bila Rindu ini masih milikmu
Kuhadirkan sebuah tanya untukmu
Harus brapa lama
aku menunggumu
aku menunggumu...

Didalam masa indah saat bersamamu
Yang tak pernah bisa akan terlupa
Kenangan masa yang menghancurkan jiwa
Dengan segenap cinta

aku bertanya

Bila Rindu ini masih milikmu
Kuhadirkan sebuah tanya untukmu
Harus brapa lama aku menunggumu

Dalam hati kumenunggu..
Dalam hati kumenunggu..aku...
Dalam lelah kumenunggu..
Dalam hati kumenunggu..aku...
masih menunggu....

Bila Rindu ini masih milikmu
Kuhadirkan sebuah harus berapa lama
Harus brapa lama

aku menunggumu
aku menunggumu

Saturday, December 26, 2009

sebenarnya..

people's life principle is always different.
and i can see it changes from time to time..
it doesn't mean if you really wanted to be friend with someone last 5 years, they'll be the same person another 5 years.

the truth is.. they change.
they change a lot.
and so many things are taken into account.
and for the fact we can't read people's mind..
so, just be yourself.
keep everything to yourself.
love yourself.
spend times for yourself.

don't think about others.
because so far i've learn, people dissapoint me.
a lot of dissapoinment in life.

Friday, December 25, 2009

ouch!

its painful when people starts to ignore you.
as if you are no longer on earth.
why does people on earth becomes cruel?
kenapa wujud manusia yang berkata-kata tajam?
kenapa tak betulkan kesalahan instead of ignoring?
i dont know what to think.
and i dont know how to judge.
how to read your mind.

well, thanks for the ignorance.
that left me pain for long.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

why?

why why why?
i always ask this question.
why do i always need to satisfy people in life?
always.
hm?
i never get what i want.
and i always had to listen to people.
and satisfy them
but not me.
why?!

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

hmh

i don't know what i want in life.
i've been hurting people.
and i have too much to take at a time.
i am hurt.
thats enough say.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

unstable.

i'm in unstable state of mind.
might say out or do things without thinking.
(as if i've been thinking so much before this)

manusia sekalian alam,
sila ambil pengajaran.

*words of wisdom*

  • "tiada ubat untuk hati yang sakit. walaupun jutawan sekalipun, tidak akan ada yang dapat mengubati"
  • "budi takkan dapat dibalas dengan wang ringgit"
  • "jangan sakitkan hati orang lain. you're not god to decide"
  • "semua benda yang berlaku adalah kuasa tuhan"
  • "kita takkan dapat melawan takdir"
  • "semua yang buruk datang dari kita, yang baik adalah semuanya daripada-Nya"
  • "jangan mudah percaya pada orang yang kita percaya"
semua ni betul kan? mungkin kalau belum pernah lalui, kita takkan perasan betapa bergunanya benda ni semua...tapi once we have tasted it, then we know how truth it is...
so, belajar untuk tidak membalas dendam.. cuma percaya.. setiap perkara memang wujud karma.

and this stage:
belajar menghadapi. belajar tentang kehidupan. belajar bahawa tiada manusia yang baik. belajar setiap perkara yang berlaku, akan ada cosequences. belajar bahawa kenyataan hidup bukan macam cerita dongeng "live happily ever after"(itu semua bullsh*t).

sila ambil iktibar dan pengajaran.
dan bagaimana kita tabah menghadapi semua ni. kita sahaja yang tau.
(i admit i am not strong. how i gave up in so many things in life. and i am giving up on this)

Saturday, December 12, 2009

memang.

kau selalu macam ni.
kau bagi semangat. lepastu kau tarik balik semangat yang ada.
tarik balik dengan kata-kata sinis dan nista.
as far as i know, i am not strong.
and i am a kind who will straight away putus harapan.
that is me.

so, kalau kau cakap aku tak berguna.. benda tu akan lekat dalam kepala otak aku.
memang. so, what?!
kenapa tak cakap awal-awal supaya i'll go away?
supaya kau senang... takde aku yang tak berguna dalam hidup kau.

kau timang aku tinggi-tinggi.
tapi kau tak sambut.
kau biarkan aku jatuh gedebuk atas lantai konkrit,
sampai kepala aku pecah berdarah.
that is me now.
kepala aku dah pecah berdarah. tak berguna. malah, lebih menyusahkan.
kan? memang aku dah tau dah.

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

thanks thanks

hey, backstabber.
thanks!
see you when i'm up there.
i'll make your life miserable like no body's business.
i sure will.
see you!

Sunday, December 06, 2009

am i?

am i?
am i building castle in the air?

someone asked me;
"i wonder, how come you have no boyfriend? are you sure you are single? are you sure you've been single all these while?"

what should i answer?
i have no answer for that.

new moon was great!
i want to be Bella! and i want Edward.
please....
i know i will sacrifice like how Bella did.

Friday, December 04, 2009

stressed!

been stressfull lately.
thought of giving up.
but nothing in this world is stress-free.
kan?

Thursday, November 19, 2009

dah tau ni.

sebenarnya...
perasaan selalu menghancurkan..
that's why ada pepatah; ikut hati, mati.
memang.
terbukti kebenarannya..
fikir ikut otak, bukan dengan hati.
tapi kalau banyak guna otak, lama-lama boleh jadi gila..
Allah tu maha mengetahui.
sebab tu Dia cipta hati dan otak...
dengan perasaan..
jangan bertindak ikut perasaan..
perasaan tu cuma bagi rasa je. sikit je.
otak tu untuk berfikir.

kan?

tapi selalunya orang guna hati untuk berfikir.
tu pasal huru hara dunia ni.
manusia dah terlupa wujudnya otak.
terlupa otak dicipta untuk berfikir.

saya ada cita-cita baru.
saya nak kahwin dengan tan sri.
:) itu saja. demi masa depan saya dan anak-anak yang bakal dilahirkan.

Sunday, November 01, 2009

saiko.

kau memang saiko.
aku tak pernah jumpa lagi orang yang saiko macam kau.

and aku tak faham.
ada pulak tu orang nak jadi bf kau.
saiko dol.
aku rasa orang tu pun sama saiko cam kau jugak weh.

ada pulak pegi offline time aku tengah cakap dengan kau?
seriously, saiko.
tak faham kenapa,
tuhan wujudkan dunia macam ni.
tak faham.

dreams....dreams...

i know.
most of the times, my dreams sounds ridiculous.
tapi memang itu yang saya mahukan.
mahukan perkara-perkara yang diluar jangkauan.

and i always tell myself, to;
heal the past, live the present and dream the future.

and which i think,
it's really important.
really.

although my dreams are totally unrealistic,
but at least, i dream it :)
at least.
and i am really looking forward to achieve every single thing.
really am.
please pray for me, would you?

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

my wishlist

okay my wishlist :

1. BF!
2. a dslr
3. ipod
4. honda city
5. dream home
6. 55kg by 1st jan 2010 :)
7. an empire..macam LV ke... guess ke...gucci ke...

tapi sekarang tak teringat pulak yang lain-lain.. i'll come back to continue...

Saturday, October 10, 2009

oi cinta!
mana kau?!

Monday, September 28, 2009

game over!

the game is over baby!
the battle is done!
you never win!
and i never lose!
my part, i'm done.
if you wish to continue, find someone else!
that's cool to know you.
and best to know your truth.
thanks!

*girls, jangan bagitau orang. benda ni memalukan diri. dan kalau terjadi pada saya, saya akan menyorok dalam gua selama 100tahun.

selamat tinggal cinta!

proud!

semua orang ada cita-cita tersendiri.
and Kak Mimi,
congratulations.
i am proud of you.
semua buku-buku tu!!!

eh bangga tau, saya kawan seorang pemuisi.
heee~

Friday, September 25, 2009

ni untuk awak.

awak,
saya rindu sangat kat awak.
sangat.
sangat.
amat.
tapi awak mesti takkan faham berapa banyak rindu
yang terpaksa saya tanggung.
saya harap saya akan dapat bersabar.

***
saya bagi ni kat awak:

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure

Don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing

Lying close to you feeling your heart beating
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming
Wondering if its me you're seeing
Then I kiss your eyes
And thank God were together
I just want to stay with you in this moment forever
Forever and ever

****
saya nak bagi ni kat awak jugak:

So kiss me and smile for me,
tell me that you'll wait for me,
hold me like you'll never let me go.

There's so many times I've let you down,
so many times I've played around,
I tell you now they don't mean a thing.
Every place I go I'll think of you,
every song I sing I'll sing for you..

***
awak faham tak apa yang saya cuba sampaikan?
saya cuma nak awak faham.
kalau boleh, fahamkan....

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

raya!

hello semua..
SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI!!

hows raya so far?
mine was okay.
but..
i'm suffering from fever, flu an caugh.
so, no taste for rendang, ketupat, laksa johor and all..

but overall,
the gathering was great.
enjoy!
happy holidays!!

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

how nice..

if i can get a place called home..
i want mine.
on my own.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

sometimes..
it doesn't go as what we planned.
and sometimes..
we have to decide
things that we don't like
things that we don't actually want it to happen
and sometimes..
it's painful to decide..
but we really have to.

ISF,
i have to let you go.
but you know, i love you..

Monday, September 14, 2009

cant ask for more

as life goes on...

i'll never forget this feeling.
how much i am in love,
loving and being loved.
eventhough it's not a normal kind of relationship,
i thank god,
for letting me feel
this wonderful feeling...
after so long i've been waiting for it.
and now i pray to god,
please let it be a normal one,
and i want it to be mine forever...
for eternity...

and now i confess;
letting everyone know,
ISF, i love you.

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

emptiness.

i asked for it, and i got it.
thanks.

Friday, August 28, 2009

I never really knew you, You were just another friend
But when I got to know you, I let my heart unbend.
I couldn't help past memories that would only make me cry
and give love another try, So I've fallen in love with you
and I'll never let you go, I love you more than anyone
I just had to let you know, And if you ever wonder why
I don't know what I'll say, But I'll never stop loving you
each and every day, My feelings for you will never change
Just know my feelings are true, Just remember one thing
I Love You!

I love you more than all the stars in the sky.
I love you more as each moment passes us by.
I love you more with every breath I take.
I love you more with each promise we make.

I need you like a flower needs the rain.
I need you for you can wash away my pain.
I need you more each day
I need you for you are so wonderful, in every single way.

I miss you more than ever now.
I miss you because I really need you somehow.
I miss you and your touch.
I miss you for to me, you mean so much.

I want you to caress my lips
I want you to look into my eyes and see my love for you.
I want you to hold me close to your heart.
I want you to know that I love you, need you, miss you, and want you
And I have for every single moment, right from the start.

I LOVE YOU, MISS YOU, NEED YOU

Thursday, August 27, 2009

For A Special Someone

For A Special Someone

You are my inspiration.
Having you in my life
revived my sleeping devotion.
You are indeed a special someone.

Loving you gives me hope
to free this misery that I coped.
In those times I gave up
You came and I stood up.

Never will I forget
how you always cheer me up
every time I'm sad
and for that I'm glad.

Whenever I'm lonely
You are there for me
keeping my heart alive
with your every smile and charm

I dedicate this poem to you
to show how much you mean to me
- I love you My special someone!

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

AN ANGEL TO ME

AN ANGEL TO ME
The moment I opened my heart and let you in
I saw this great love starting to begin.
I opened my eyes to a vision of you
I hope, I pray your feelings are true.
I have loved and I have paid the cost
And I have felt the pain of the love I lost.
But, now, I think I have truly found
An Angel who walks upon the ground.
You go beyond all limits for me
Just to show your love endlessly.
I could search my whole life through
And never find another 'you'.
You are so special that I wanted you to know
I truly, completely love you so.

*he gave me this.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

hmm...

something great about this year's ramadhan is,
i don't feel like going out and buy the foods outside.
i feel like cooking and just eat home-cooked foods.
and the best part is,
i didn't feel like buying even the desserts sold at the bazaar ramadhan.
isn't that great?!
and i'm loving that!

and now, i'm at home, thinking what should i make for breaking fast.
and raya too.
been thinking so hard.
but still no idea, what can be done for that.
and i'm in the mood to bake cakes and cookies.
hee~
isn't that good?!

anyone has any idea?
simple ones will do..
just to spend my times doing something other than just sit here staring at the screen.

Monday, August 24, 2009

it's ramadhan!

it's 3rd ramadhan already!!!
selamat berpuasa everyone!!!!
:)

Friday, August 21, 2009

sharing love

Love it has so many beautiful faces
Sharing lives and sharing days
My love it had so many empty spaces
I'm sharing a memory now I hope that's how it stays
Now I'm deep inside love and still breathing
She is holding my heart in her hand
I'm the closest I've been to believing
This could be love forever

All throughout my life the reasons I've demanded
But how can I reason with the reason I'm a man

In a minute I'm needing to hold her
In an hour I'm cold, cold as stone
When she leaves it gets harder and harder to face life alone
Now my dreams are filled with times when we're together
Guess what I need from her is forever love

*****

Your love had brought me happiness. Your misses make me survive. Needing you is my life.
I'm everything I am because you love me.


*****

and what i know is, i am loving the person who sent me these.

Friday, August 14, 2009

some buka puasa treats

ramadhan is just around the corner.
and mira is planning for some buka puasa treats with some of our batchmates.
hmm... i have no idea what it should be.. and where we should go..
but some of it, with help from my someone;

Buffet Ramadhan at Sunflowers Brasserie, Royale Bintang KL
Price : RM55++ Adult, 50% children & senior citizens
For reservation, please call 03-21439898
Website : http://www.royale-bintang-hotel.com.my/

The Royale Bintang Damansara
6, Jalan PJU 7/3, Mutiara Damansara
47800 Petaling Jaya, Selangor Darul Ehsan
Reservation:
603 - 7843 1111
Price:
The Window Restaurant
RM55.00++ per person
Price:
The Courtyard Café
RM55.00++ per person

Place: Palms Cafe @ Palm Garden Hotel, IOI Resort Putrajaya
Price: RM58.00++ per adult and RM35.00++ per child between 5 and 12 years old.
Contact: 603 - 8943 2233

Eden @ the Curve
G68 Western Courtyard,
No. 6, Jalan PJU 7/3 Mutiara Damansara, Petaling Jaya, Selangor.
Reservation:
603 - 7729 7781
Price
RM34.90++ per person

Eastin Hotel
13, Jalan 16/11,
Pusat Dagang Seksyen 16
Petaling Jaya, Selangor
Reservation:
603 - 7665 1111
Price:
Eyuzu Japanese
RM68.00++ per adult, RM48.00++ per child – Weekends only

Grand Seasons Hotel
No. 72. Jalan Pahang
Kuala Lumpur
Reservation:
Seasons Café
603 2697 8888 ext. 8801
Price:
RM60.00++ per person

Tropicana Golf Resort
Jalan Kelab Tropicana
Tropicana Golf & Country Resort
Petaling Jaya, Selangor Darul Ehsan
Reservation:
603 – 7804 8888
Price: RM52.00++ per person

and some other listings, which are not so expensive:
JW Marriot, but i couldn't get more info on it.

Monday, August 10, 2009

memang macam ni.

orang kata,
nak dapat cinta sejati,
memang macam ni.
you'll go through ups and downs.
you'll go through heart brokens.
cuma orang yang super duper lucky, wont get heart broken.
tapi tu very rare. maybe one in billions.
tapi in most of the cases,
before getting the true love,
mesti heart broken.
at least once.
at least.
and how many times you'll be heart broken tu depends.
depends on how much you take care of your heart.
and depends on how you choose your love.
and maybe, dah fated,
that you'll find true love in heaven.
not in the world.
maybe.
but i want a true love,
yang didunia dan terus dibawa ke syurga.
kekal selamanya.
tapi, tulah,
tengah tunggu ni.

Sunday, August 09, 2009

dead.

090809
he left me. i left him.
no more.
no more.
i am a total loser
when it comes to love life.
thank you.

Friday, August 07, 2009

tontonan.

i would like to go out for movie. anyone would like to join me?
1. the proposal
2. ice age 3
3. the ghosts of girlfriends past.

and does anyone has any of these movie collection?
1. the lake house
2. notting hill

please. i need to watch all those.

Monday, August 03, 2009

please.

oh Lord. please hear me.
don't take him away from me.
i need him.
i need his care,
his love,
his words.
i need him.

Saturday, August 01, 2009

places

after quite sometimes i did not post on some beneficial things, i think it's time now.
i have some few add ons places where i want to go.

1. Banda Aceh - eventough it sounds weired, but i've been feeling that i need to visit Aceh. and one thing for sure, i'll be visiting the mosque. i need to see their culture. people said, nothing is there. but i don't care. if no one coming along, i'm going alone.
2. Phuket - the beach holidaysss!!! definately! anyone?
3. Singapore - the town looks like lego from air. don't you think so?! heee~ shopping spree. any millionaire to sponsor?

okay. 3 is enough for the time being :) make it just few, but it has to be accomplished. maybe in 2010.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

help pleeaaaseee~

i really have to manage my financial.
it's getting critical.
please help me.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

everything needs sacrifice.
but to me,
the only thing i'll sacrifice the most is L.O.V.E!
i'm pretty sure.

i'm willing to sacrifice
my sleep.
my time.
my rest.
my social life.
just for a feeling called L.O.V.E.

hebat penangan cinta.
sangat hebat.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

cinta itu memang menyakitkan.
walaupun pada hati yang dah kena gam gajah.

life is not a fairytale.
no one will end up happily ever after.
no one.

Friday, July 10, 2009

tapi, kan...

selalu orang cakap,
kena bersosial, supaya senang dapat kawan.
nak tau je,
kalau pergi majlis kawin orang,
banyak tak jumpa pasangan hidup?
macam tak pernah dengar.

tapi, kan..
kalau bersosial yang kena mengena dengan hobi,
selalu dapat..
macam gym ke,
memanjat gunung ke,
diving ke...
orang dah ramai ketemu jodoh pilihan hati kat tempat macam tu.

tapi,
saya tak dapat pun?

Friday, July 03, 2009

statistik

ni bukan statistik swine flu ke apa.
tapi kan.
cuba kira..
since year 2009,
i've been falling for... 1, 2, 3 guys!
averaging once in 2 months!

so, i'm actually bukanlah memilih sangat.
and actually easily fall for someone.
so, takde bf jugak sampai harini, apa namanya?
pathetic kan.

seriously kena mandi bunga.
dengan daun, tangkai, akar semua sekali.
nak kasi luck kat badan.
rasanya mujarab tak?
sebab dah pernah mandi bunga yang bunga sahaja.
so, kena try ramuan lain pulak.
sebab yang tu tak menjadi.

M: hati yang entahkan hidup entahkan mati.

ini ungkapan yang sangat mendalam.
dan pasti.
ini berlaku kepada umat-umat yang entah;
tidak memahami perasaan dan hatinya sendiri.

Monday, June 29, 2009

apa ciri-ciri lelaki idaman korang?

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

please.please.please.

please.
don't ever force me to do what i don't like to do.
because i'm not that type of person.
i'll just back off when i see you if that happens.
and will forever keep distance.
stop whatever you've started.

confused.

i am confused.
more than ever.
seriously.
i know, you created another human who doesn't exist.
i knew that. you're the same two person, two different person with two different character.
please stop doing it if you want us to last long.
i am in love with the character you've created.
whoever you are, thank you for making my life happy.
eventhough for just a short while.
and it's a fake happiness.
thank you.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

the art.

the art of flirting.
yes.
i need to get the skill.
i need to practice.
i really need to be skillfull in this.
really.

a dream.

it sound like a kid.
i know.

i dream of becoming a billboard model.
i'm not kidding.
need to lose weight!!!!
and once i've lose the fat, i'll makesure myself is on the billboard!!!!
see me there!
:)

Friday, June 12, 2009

smile smile smile

you cannot hide from me
you wouldn't know if i'm already around you
you may not just realise it

*****
wish you in my arms
i hold you tight
till you fall asleep
beautiful girl

*****
wanting you is another thing
needing you is another thing

i don't know this is true or not.

Sunday, June 07, 2009

Bryan Adams:PLEASE FORGIVE ME

Still feels like our first night together
Feels like the first kiss
It's getting better baby
No one can better this
Still holding on, you're still the one
First time our eyes met
Same feeling I get
Only feels much stronger
Wanna love you longer
You still turn the fire on

so if you're feelin' lonely don't
you're the only one I ever want
I only wanna make it good
so if I love you a little more than I should

Please forgive me I know not what I do
Please forgive me I can't stop loving you
Don't deny me this pain I'm going through
Please forgive me I need you like I do
Please believe me every word I say is true
Please forgive me I can't stop loving you

Still feels like our best times are together
Feels like the first touch
Still getting closer baby
Can't get close enough
Still holding on you're still number one
I remember the smell of your skin
I remember everything
I remember all your moves
I remember you, yeah
I remember the nights, you know i still do

So if you're feeling lonely don't
You're the only one I ever want
I only want to make it good
So if I love you a little more than I should

Please forgive me I know not what I do
Please forgive me I can't stop loving you
Don't deny me this pain I'm going through
Please forgive me I need you like I do
Yeah, believe me every word I say is true
Please forgive me I can't stop loving you

The one thing I'm sure of, is the way we made love
The one thing I depend on, is for us to stay strong
With every word and every breath I'm prayin', it's why I'm saying
Please forgive me I know not what I do
Please forgive me I can't stop loving you
Don't deny me this pain I'm going through
Please forgive me if I need you like I do
babe, believe me every word I say is true
Please forgive me if I can't stop lovin' you
no, believe me I don't know what I do
Please forgive me if I can't stop loving you
Can't stop loving you

*from someone jugak ;)

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

please stop, boleh?

never ever you people question what kind of car i'm buying.
never ever said;
eh kenapa tak beli CALDINA ke, LANCER ke, FAIRLADY ke, MINI COOPER ke, RX 8 ke..

just shut up! shadddaaapp you people.
you never know what i'm going through!
you never know!
and if you were to ask, please do it nicely.
tak payah nak perli.

Friday, May 22, 2009

bila.

bila rasa menguasai perasaan.
aneh.

semua benda pun salah.
bila nak jadi pakar IT, jangan. sebab nanti mata rosak. tapi bole jadi wartawan atau guru.
bila nak jadi juruterbang, jangan. sebab belajar matematik lagi elok.
bila nak jadi akauntan, jangan. sebab belajar jadi tukang masak lagi elok.

ape ni weh?
so, jadi apa?
puaskan hati kau? sampai bila?

bila dapat 3.3 is worse than 2.0 cgpa.
so, nak kira macam mana?
memang la tak dean list. tapi at least 3 pointer kan?
dan bila 6A tu tak sepandai yang 2A.

aku terasa.
sakit.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

ahaha

life's pretty boring.
takde updates langsung.
and it's plain.
hurmmm...

Monday, May 18, 2009

Joe McIntyre » Stay The Same

[Chorus]
Don't you ever wish you were someone else,
You were meant to be the way you are exactly.
Don't you ever say you don't like the way you are.
When you learn to love yourself, you're better off by far.
And I hope you always stay the same,
cuz there's nothin' 'bout you I would change.

[Verse]
I think that you could be whatever you wanted to be
If you could realize, all the dreams you have inside.
Don't be afraid if you've got something to say,
Just open up your heart and let it show you the way.

[Chorus]

[Bridge]
Believe in yourself.
Reach down inside.
The love you find will set you free.
Believe in yourself, you will come alive.
Have faith in what you do.
You'll make it through.

[Chorus]

*someone gave me this. it is really a motivational song. i never realised it. seriously. thanks to you :)

Saturday, May 16, 2009

IKA dear..

happy 22nd birthday.
semoga panjang umur dan murah rezeki.
dan berbahagia selalu.
kite doakan awak pass the professional exam!!! :)

*hugss*

yes yes yes

that's for real.

weh.
kat blog ni dah tak bole post perasaan suka/sayang/cinta terhadap seseorang lagi dah.
terima kasih kerana mengaku.
puas hati sekarang.

Friday, May 15, 2009

sila jawab yang ini, M

okay.
dah cuba jauhkan. tapi kenapa dia kena send wallpost kat facebook?
kenapa kena text?
okay. i'm saiko. dia anggap kawan.
saya yang lebih-lebih.
saya tahu.
tapi nasib baik dia dah jauh sekarang.senang sket kerja.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

hm.

i'm actually not in the mood to do anything.
termasuklah percutian-percutian indah yang dibayangkan.
hati tengah kecewa.
bare with me.

Monday, May 11, 2009

weh.

rasa macam nak kawen sangat.
apesal wujud perasaan ini?
mungkin dah bosan hunting.
dan bosan single.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

helo helo

testing 1, 2, 3..
is anybody home???

apesal orang tak update blog?

my life's back to basic. plain. just one color.
either black, white or grey.
heh. no more rainbow.

how about yours?

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

ok ok.

the other day,
i was thinking, kenapa laaa benda datang bertubi-tubi,
then i realised, it's spring! musim bunga, musim mengawan.

and now, it's getting bald...
coz it's coming up to summer!
orang yang mengawan dah unite.
so, life's getting dull.

same like mine.
haritu, bertubi-tubi manusia menyerang,
sekarang, senyap sunyi.

god's creation...
kan? memang dijadikan macam tu.

satu musim,
hati penuh berharap.
later on, hati jadi kosong,
mengahdapi musim yang sama,
panas kemarau.
hee~it comes to logic now :)

isk.

eh kau.
datang pergi datang pergi.
apa nih?!
perasaan aku pun jadi confuse tau.

Friday, May 01, 2009

urgh!!!

i am a dark fat ugly dumb boring human being.
sebab tu takde boyfriend.
urghhhh!!!

ok.lets do some q&a :)

1. kenapa saya tiada boyfriend?
tiba-tiba perasaan perlu ada seseorang dan perlu hidup bahagia dan merasa keindahan percintaan. walaupun taktau apa kesudahannya.

2. should i cut my hair, short, or just leave it long, as long as possible?

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

hurmh.

i just got to know,
i post on my blog more and more and more when i'm depressed.
depression makes me write.
so, whenever there's no updates, just assume my life's good :)
nothing bad to be told.
:)
so,i think i've not been blogging for the past few days.
because life's good :)
i have someone who i like.
happy sangatt :) i'm forgetting you, boy.
thanks to you. and me too.
tapi taktau how long will it last.
but the new guy, i like.
so d*mn much!!! :)

i'm no longer depressed when i hear you're with bunch of other girls.
you'll lead your life, and go as it is.
and i'm gonna do it to mine as well.
i'm happier now.
never ever you come back.
never.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

i think..

the simplest way to move on,
is by having someone else :)
terus hati tenteram dan bahagia...
and tak mencari dan tercari-cari lagi.
kan?

i think i found one.
but he's not into me.
but it's okay :)
as long as i'm happy :)

Saturday, April 25, 2009

M sayang.

alangkah indah apabila check blog updates,
dan blog favourite,
nama sendiri sebagai title.
indah kan?
terima kasih M, kerana telah menceriakan pagi ini.
sayang M!!! sangaaatttt!!!!

kehadapan M.
saya sihat-sihat sahaja,
tapi itu kalau perkiraan general doctor.
tapi, kalau perkiraan pakar,
mungkin pelbagai masalah yang dihadapi.
kalau ada machine yang boleh check penyakit, saya rasa,
mungkin terpaksa dimasukkan ke ICU.
saya serious ni. tak tipu.

saya sedang exam juga.
esok sambung lagi satu simulator session.
aduh.

terima kasih kerana teringatkan saya,
dan decide untuk tulis letter untuk saya.

alangkah indah kalau saya juga di jakarta.
melalui hari-hari yang suram bersama awak
untuk awak ceriakan dan warnakan hari-hari saya yang kelabu.
dan alangkah indah juga, jika saya juga akan dapat menceriakan hari-hari awak.

saya harap awak janganlah bersedih.
harini ada camwhoring.
dan saya pasti awak akan gembira.
selamat bergembira, M sayang.

saya akan seperti biasa melalui hari-hari yang menyakitkan hati.
terima kasih kepada kewujudan manusia itu di dunia.
awak tahu siapa yang dimaksudkan.

saya teringin pergi melayan perasaan di pantai.
phuket atau langkawi kelihatan indah.
melakukan perkara-perkara diluar normal bersama.

saya juga rasa sangat perlu bercuti, jauh dari masalah buat masa ini.
sangat rindu pada awak.
sumpah.
sangat rindu juga pada saat-saat bersama di pulau jawa dan bali.

sudah terlalu lama tidak dapat bercerita.
ya, hampir sebulan sejak kali terakhir kita berjumpa.
saya terpaksa mengekspresi kekecewaan saya di sini.

saya berharap awak akan selalu mengupdate blog ya.
kerana rindu tidak tertahan.

pelukan dan ciuman.
:)

Friday, April 24, 2009

Terlanjur Cinta-Rossa feat. Pasha Ungu

waktu bergulir lambat
merantai langkah perjalanan kita
berjuta cerita terukir dalam
menjadi sebuah dilema

mengertikah engkau
perasaanku tak terhapuskan

malam menangis
tetes embun membasahi mata hatiku
mencoba bertahan di atas puing-puing
cinta yang tlah rapuh

apa yang ku genggam
tak mudah untuk aku lepaskan

reff:
aku terlanjur cinta kepadamu
dan tlah kuberikan seluruh hatiku
tapi mengapa baru kini kau pertanyakan cintaku

aku pun tak mengerti yang terjadi
apa salah dan kurang ku padamu
kini terlambat sudah untuk dipersalahkan
karna sekali cinta, aku tetap cinta

mencoba bertahan di atas puing-puing
cinta yang tlah rapuh

apa yang ku genggam
tak mudah untuk aku lepaskan

>>lagu ni untuk kau.faham tak?!

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

ermh.

i am no more a loser who stalks people's friendster or facebook or myspace accounts.
on purpose of aku cinta kau or aku mahu lihat siapa kau,
with feelings only god knows.
selamat tinggal zaman itu.

i'm leading my life properly now.
and life's getting more colorful.
but will see, how long will it end.
i hope it's going to be forever and ever.
no more plain empty life :)
i hope.
let's start painting it!!
make it abstract.
make it a life, which other people will come and stalk.
will it happen? well... just do it. i know it's possible.

mac book.

i think i'm getting macbook.
since my laptop now is having some stooopid problems. hanging now and then.
and i'm in the middle of peak time studying.
dammit!

macam laa macbook tak hang kan. if the user is just like me, mesti nanti hang jugak.
eh anyone..review on macbook?

ohh..it's spring!

spring la!!!
musim mengawan!!!!
patutlaa....

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

sigh

sekuar ketat,
baju ketat.
apekah?!

Monday, April 20, 2009

jatuh dan bangun,
jatuh dan bangun semula.
i'm hating this feeling.
but i'm letting it go.
tolong jangan kejar aku lagi.
please. don't.
let me go.
let me be free.

i think i love you.
i think.
but i'm not sure.

tapi wujud perasaan.
takut kecewa, mengecewakan, dikecewakan.
takut juga untuk jatuh cinta.
takut semua.
hanya mahu lalui hidup normal.

please boy, go away.

kemudian...

we're falling apart.
thank you.
that's what i want.
eventhough i cant resist texting/calling you.
i think i'm losing you.
sedih.
tapi gembira.
i'm most affraid of losing you.
and that's happening.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

dan.

dan apabila sudah dekat,
akan takut kehilangan.
setiap pagi, bangun, dan akan teringatkan dia.
akan fikir, adakah semalam yang indah akan berulang?
ape nihh?!
perasaan apa weh?!

Thursday, April 16, 2009

lately..

selalu dengar orang bercerita.
cerita-ceriti tentang masalah yang dihadapi.
adakah ianya hanya satu perasaan atau apa?
sifat manusia yang berbagai.
seandanya wujud diskriminasi perasaan,
adakah itu penentu sifat seseorang?

orang yang lahir dari hasil keadaan berbeza, mempunyai sejenis sifat berbeza.
rimas.
rimas menentukan sifat orang.
rimas perlu mendengar diskriminasi pencerita.
rimas juga pencerita membebel.

tahu kan, sebenarnya,
yang bermasalah adalah kamu.
sila lihat dalam cermin.
apa yang kamu lihat?
kamu bercakap dengan diri kamu.
kepada diri kamu.
kamu yang bermasalah.

jangan memporak-perandakan keadaan.
kerana sesungguhnya,
kamu yang berantakan.
aku sengaja menjauhkan diri.
supaya aku tidak akan berfikiran seperti kamu.
bercakap tanpa henti.
telinga aku berdesing.
sila diaaaammm!!!!!!

suka, suka yang ini!

ok. yang ini.
patut di ambil iktibar!!!
dari blog : Tanah haram untuk orang yang berkenaan, by perempuan cerdas.

Wearables -

Sepatu Manolo.
Baju fine satin warna fuchsia.
Aiskrim karamel dengan dark chocolate ribbons.
Laki laki.
Perempuan.
Zippo edisi khas.


Entah kenapa,tapi sepertinya ada persefahaman mutlak
when it comes to barang idaman.
No,bukan sekadar barang idaman,
tetapi barang idaman yang baru di dapat.Mungkin sesuatu yang menghabiskan
setengah gaji di awal
bulan ataupun hadiah harijadi yang amat di dambakan.
Ataupun
sesuatu yang diturun temurunkan.

Sepertinya etika penggunaan dengan barang idaman adalah : disimpan.

Pakai sayang sayang.
Simpan cermat cermat.
Salut dengan plastik,balut dengan kertas.

Tapi where's the fun of it?
Bagaimana caranya membawa ia ke semua tempat kegemaran
melakukan semua perbuatan harian tanpa meninggalkan battle scars?

This might sound silly but secara konsepsual kewujudan barang adalah to serve its purpose.
Jadi menurut aku sila perlakukan barang idaman selayaknya.

Kasut cantik -
bawa ia keluar menari,jalan semua jalan di dunia sejauh yang boleh,
goda ia dengan tanah,rumput,tar dan marmar.

Zippo mahal titipan teman dari luar negeri -
pakai lah sehari hari,jatuh atas lantai,kutiplah balik.
Tercabut penutupnya,pasanglah kembali.

Di petik dari Goblin Market oleh Christian Rossetti
[ saya hafal bahagian puisi ini dalam kepala,dan sepertinya sudah menjadi mantra ]

' Eat me,drink me,love me Laura make full use of me,for your sake I have braved the glen
and had to do with goblin merchant men. '

Jadi laki laki,
keluarkanlah Gundam mu dari kaca perhiasan dan
mainkan ia semahumu sampai tercabut anggota badan
dan
perempuan,
jangan simpan lagi sepatu cantik
dalam kotak kotak berisi gel silika.

Ayolah bernafas,
berlari
dan
berbuat sesuka hati.

Ayo.

kenapa?

semakin menjauhkan diri, semakin dia akan datang dekat?
ouch!
life's treating me good. really. but not this part!
happy memang la happy. sebab tiba-tiba he's putting effort for no reason.
but when it comes to logic, apehal kena ada effort?
i'm trying hard to lose you. i'm trying hard to forget you, boy.
tolonglaaa...
if you don't feel how i feel, please please please let me go...
let me go away from you...

listingsss~

okay.
movie. sekarang mode nak tengok sume movie.
i've missed a lot! i think i'll be watching alone. since i have plenty of times to watch all those :) heee~

1. confessions of a shopaholic
2. he's just not that into you
3. passengers
4. friday the 13th
5. my bloody valentine
6. the international

i know it's super banyak. and my plenty time wouldn't be enough.
but, we'll see how it goes.
ahah. previous list wasn't able to complete though.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

...

weh.
again kelu tak terkata.
everyday will end up kutuk diri sendiri,
thinking of you.

please boy.
please stop giving hope, please...
please go away, please...

i've no guts to tell you directly.
but i really meant it.
i've no idea, what's up with all you gave.
i tried so hard to get as far as possible, away from you.

why can't it be no more calls or text messages?
why can't you stop asking silly questions?
i know. you don't mean it.
we're just friends.
but for a fragile hearted person like mine,
it really mean something.
it really does.

tolonglah..berhenti bagi harapan...tolong....

daddy's 54th

ahh..
HAPPY 54th BIRTHDAY DADDY!!!

semoga panjang umur & murah rezeki :)

Saturday, April 11, 2009

0 comment

akan selalu kecewa kalau macamtu.
yeah.that's what normally happens.
this is just for a record.
heartbroken when saw his profile and current status : in a relationship.

terima kasih.
i appreciate that!

kak mimi reminded me of that -ve thoughts that i have.
i must stop it.
and start new life.
which is the +ve ones :)
thanks kak mimi!

Friday, April 10, 2009

fly fly fly away....

fly away you!
go away!
go awaaaaayyyy!!!!!

and he's leaving.
i'm pretty sure.
it's just i can't let him go.
but soon, i'll have to accept it.
:)

Thursday, April 09, 2009

hmm

so,
teruskan atau berhenti?
teruskan atau berhenti?

dapat perfume semalam.
L'eau D'Issey by Issey Miyake.
so, teruskan atau berhenti?

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

wannie sayang

reunite!
love is again in the air.
congratulations sayang!!!

and i'll support you.
i'll always be here for you.
apa pun yang berlaku, i'm here.
if you need someone, i'm here.
always.

hugs & kisses.

Saturday, April 04, 2009

Yuna-Dan Sebenarnya

Oh Bulan..
Enggan melayan diriku lagi
Pabila airmata membasahi pipi
Dan lagu lagu di radio seolah olah memerli aku
Pabila kau bersama yang lain

Adakah perasaan benci ini sebenarnya cinta
Yang masih bersemadi untukmu
Dan sebenarnya ku mengharapkan di sebalik senyumanmu itu
Kau juga menyintai aku

Ku enggan berpura pura ku bahagia
Ku enggan melihat kau bersama si dia
Oh ku akui cemburu
Mula menular dalam diri
Pabila kau bersama yang lain

Adakah perasaaan benci ini sebenarnya cinta
Yang masih bersemadi untukmu
Dan sebenarya ku mengharapkan
Di sebalik senyuman mu itu
Kau juga merindui aku

Pabila kau merenung matanya
Ku rebah jatuh ke bumi
Di saat kau benar-benar mahu pergi
Seperti ku bernafas dalam air

Adakah perasaaan benci ini sebenarnya cinta
Yang masih.. bersemadi untukmu
Dan sebenarya ku mengharapkan
Di sebalik senyuman mu itu
Kau juga merindui aku

Oh...

Dan Sebenarnya ..
Dan Sebenarnya ..
Aku rindu ..

Dan Sebenarnya ..
Dan Sebenarnya ..
Aku tak mampu .. tanpamu..

>>lagu ni agak hiperbola. tapi memang sebenarnya berlaku. memang jadi macam tu kannn???

fly fly fly awayyyyy~
hati, dah sampai bintang ke?
tapi aku rindu kamu!
aku rindu hatiku!

Shila OIAM - Memori Tercipta:-

Bergetar jiwa dipersada bercahaya
Pertemuan harapan pertama kalinya
Bergetar jiwa menghadapi mimpi-mimpi
Sukar dipercaya pintunya terbuka

Di sini jua memori tercipta
Walau seketika terjalin kasih kita
Mungkin disini kita kan terpisah
Kenangan bersama tiada kulupa

Mengalun suara sesuri bisikan hati
Seiringan mencari haluan berseni
Bergetar jiwa menghadapi mimpi-mimpi
Tiada pun terduga pintunya terbuka

Di sini jua memori tercipta
Walau seketika terjalin kasih kita
Mungkin di sini kita kan terpisah
Kenangan bersama tiada ku lupa

Yang terpahit jua termanis
Semuanya bagiku terindah
Kuingati buat selama-lamanya

Di sini jua memori tercipta
Walau seketika terjalin kasih kita
Mungkin disini kita kan terpisah
Kenangan bersama tiada kulupa

Mungkin disini kita kan terpisah
Kenangan bersama
Kenangan bersama
Kenangan bersama
Mungkin disini kita kan terpisah
Kenangan bersama tiada kulupa


>>her voice is sssssoooooo powerfull!!!

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

erm....

efforts on losing weight so far:
1-squash
2-gym
3-horseriding

hmm.we'll see what's gonna happen next :)

and i'm tanned! and people seems not confused of who i am :) happier now :)

Monday, March 30, 2009

boleh tolong tak?

tolong berhenti bagi harapan boleh tak?
keadaan ini menyeksakan.
betul.
tak tipu.

home.

saya sudah pulang.
yes.
i'm back home!!!
kembali berpijak di bumi nyata.
selamat tinggal percutian terindah.
bersedia menghadapi sebarang kesukaran dan kemungkinan.

selamat datang kembali kehidupan.
bandung-jakarta-bali >>kamu yang terindah!

Friday, March 20, 2009

hey :)

i'll be off to bandung-jakarta-bali!! :)
will be back on 29th.
awww tak sabarnyeeee!!!!!!

and i missed work!
i really do when things happens.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

thank you thank you!!!

everyone.
thank you!
especially to my dearlingsss :)
thank you so much for coming to the dinner.
was at delicious KL.
yeah. i was a bit late.
tapi i really did enjoyed it!

terima kasih juga to:
mira & feedo: for the lovely paris hilton hairess gift set! (omg mira, u really know me!oh.both of us yang paling tak sensitive, and i never thought you'll give me that sweet lovely perfume!taste kite sama!!!!)
nana & farhoud: that lovely necklace.sangat sweet :) i should've worn it that night.tapi sbb tak bukak, tak tau ape ada dalam.haihhsss
ash: the mug.okay,it's panjang gila okay.
siti: for the lovely card
jang and wan: for coming :)

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

22nd year of living

yeah.
22 today.
thanks for the wishes!!!

syaaban, nana, siti, diana hakim, ainaa, zedrin, ash, ika, murali, wannie, tiqah.
jang, mira, sa, natasha, nadhirah, zalikha.

daddy & aimy.

thank you for rememberance :)

i really appreciate that!

***********
earlier today, i went out with a friend. and bought myself an Oakley!!! yeayyy!!! Oakley!!! dah lama sangat cari Oakley, tapi tak jumpa yang sesuai. and i've got it today :) thanks for accompany! :)

and i bought a new pair of running shoes. for my gym! :) semangat nihhh!!!! heee~

hari bahagia!!

tapi...
permulaan hari ke 18 bulan mac, agak suram. haha.
lepas ni, berjanji pada diri sendiri, tiada lagi berada di luar rumah tepat jam 12 malam setiap hari ke 18 bulan mac lagi! not anymore!

so, summary for my 22nd year celebration:
1. brand new squasy racquet O3 speedport hybrid :)
2. brand new Oakley
3. brand new Nike training shoes.

*ini semua adalah hadiah termahal untuk diri sendiri setakat ini.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

up down up down up?down?

ok.rupanya tak indah skandal nih.
and tak indah at one time keluar with banyak-banyak orang.
and tak indah, bila complain banyak-banyak takde orang nak ajak keluar,
sekali, orang ajak keluar bertubi-tubi.
kenapa selalu mcm ni?

hidup oh hidup!!!!!
is it good or is it bad?
is it some ups or is it some downs??

tapi hati tetap pada yang itu.
walau sejuta datang, tetap pada yang itu.
i'm certain about it!

rome was not built in a day! :)

Monday, March 16, 2009

akan kecewa lagi.

yes.akan.
perasaan itu tidak pergi jauh.
ia pergi dan datang kembali.

take things slow.
effort kena ada.
be prepared for the worst, considering all those times spent chasing might go to waste.
kena faham, these things don't always go your way.
but since it's been long, might as well try your best. work extra hard.

thanks for the thoughts.
i understand.
and malam ini, kecewa lagi.
i'll back off.
i will.
and i'm putting effort on it.
i am!

Saturday, March 14, 2009

"Selalunya orang yang kita sayang,suka membuatkan kita dalam keadaan teruji.Selalunya orang yang kita sayang,suka membuatkan kita terkeliru.Selalunya orang yang kita sayang, suka membuatkan kita terluka.Selalunya orang yang kita sayang, suka membuatkan kita terkilan.Selalunya orang yang kita sayang, suka membuatkan tahap kesabaran kita menipis.Dan selalunya orang yang kita sayang,suka hadir bila memerlukan dan pergi tanpa meninggalkan pesan"

-dapat kat facebook Nurul Fatiha :)

friday the 13th?

semalam.
tiada apa yang tak best!
semua benda best!
and benda yang hampir menyesal, kemudian, jadi aku cinta! :) heeee

at first, woke up in the morning, no calls from office.
rasa menyesal bangun awal-awal sebab tahu akan bosan.

but then, had lunch with gym instructor. ngeheeee~
gaya dia sebijik macam a friend of mine, who likes me, but i don't like him back. sejiban! went out with him the night before, dah perasan, but ignored. then lunch sama, memang sejiban!

then, jumpa abg ad kat pyramid, then went to KLCC. setelah bertahun tak jejak KLCC!!!!! huahuahua~erm.dapat tengok-tengok Oakley. tapi, as usual, none suits me! :(

dinner.
dengan jang, wan and siti together with abg ad :)
some seofood restaurant.
aww aww. perasaan tak mahu lepas, nak ikut diorang for dessert. tapi, berjaya mengawal. then followed abg ad to a club. tatau ah nama ape. some suria thingy..hee~

listened to live band. eh not bad. i think after years or so many months. hehe.
tapi masih membenci keadaan club which smells asap rokok. busuk sampai bangun tido tadi.
shuhsh.

okay. rindu nak dengar live band dah terlepas :)
and as usual, requested songs never been played. haha.

tapi semalam best!
and baru dapat number wan. there's one statement of wan, yang buat hati berfikir (leave it unknown to others), tapi lepas tu rasa bersalah sebab buat benda yang tak sepatutnya..hmm..

Thursday, March 12, 2009

i am

dreaming of becoming a beauty queen.

agak susah.

to adapt people's life into our's.
to make it our's.
and it's just to difficult to make it real,
when we know the fact that it's impossible.
to fullfill everyone's wish.
it's too difficult.
i'm afraid i can't make it.
i'm afraid to admit the fact that i'll hurt them.
or worst thing, i'll hurt myself.

i just don't want to be hurt anymore. i mean, anymore! at all.
never again.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

mungkin sebenarnya...

hari akan indah kalau kita pandai indahkan haritu.
harini indah.
tapi hasil usaha orang lain.
so, macam mana?

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

manusia kalau tak bekira pasal duit tak boleh ke?
kalau pakai hati dan perasaan untuk decide tak boleh ke?

oh.teringat.

2 tahun lalu, harini hari paling bahagia.
tapi tak tau pulak, sebenarnya permulaan kepada satu penderitaan.
aku dah buang jauh-jauh.
hati dah dihantar ke bintang.
tadi baru bagitau wannie.
sbb bintang ada banyak, taktau hati nak mendarat kat mana.
so, takan lagi hati hancur berkecai.
akan sentiasa selamat terpelihara, dengan kesan retakan yang dah disambungkan semula.
jom hantar hati ke bintang, sayang :)
tolong jangan paksa aku cari hati yang dah dihantar.
sebab courier aku tiada teknologi tinggi.
tidak akan dapat aku ketahui, samada dah smpai atau apa, atau dimana hati berada.

wannie,
i love you.
remember. i'm always here for you.
jangan sedih sayang :)
misi kita bersama, harus terlaksana.
ingat tau :)

ahha.

karma beb!
KARMA!
terkena kat kau?
selamat melalui kehidupan yang pernah aku lalui.
and i did not blame it on you.
i'm serious.

and terima kasih kerana menghubungi aku. walaupun i tried to get to know you like 2 years back. and kau tak layan. aku just nak tahu, apa kelebihan kau berbanding aku. itu saja. itu saja. and kau tak pernah layan.

tapi takpe.
naseb kita sama.
yang ni jela. yang lain, lain.

tapi, walaubagaimanapun, terima kasih.
terima kasih sebab nak dengar cerita aku.
tapi dah 2 tahun berlalu.
tak tau aku ingat lagi ke tak perasaan tu.
sebab aku memang dah tiada perasaan.

lagi dan lagi.never ending.

perasaan aneh, kembali menjengah.
selamat tinggal hari yang indah.

yeah. just got home from a cool evening :)
but, farewell for kak mimi just before she leave for jakarta.
and i think i'm going to jakarta :) soon. pretty soon.
untuk menghilangkan stress!
yes, stress!!!!

and benda paling stress di dunia, apabila tidak pandai menggambarkan perasaan. tidak pandai meluahkan kata-kata. and orang tak faham apa yang cuba dinyatakan.

stress tau!

Friday, March 06, 2009

tidak mengaku.

semakin hari,
semakin tidak keruan.

oh.harini rasa macam nak demam.
tak tahu. demam apa.
been lack of rest these few days.
but i like it when i don't have time for myself.
i like it when i don't need to think about anything which will make me depressed.
fikiran tidak akan terganggu.

tapi,
badan letih.
tapi semua benda nak buat.
rasa sangat perlukan rest, tapi tak nak.
dan.
sangat benci bilik bersepah lagak tongkang pecah di perairan selat melaka.

no good feeling.
but no bad feeling.
oh, maybe ada. tapi sangat sedikit masa yang diperuntukkan untuk itu.
yes.
sangat perlu kehidupan ini.
untuk membina semula motivasi.

to dream of creating smiles on my face :)
again!

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

empty

thats the song i'm currently listening to.
and i am.
really empty.
at the moment;
mode bengang.
ok. that's not cool.
at all!!
figuring out the lyrics.
i really am.
empty!!!

*just got my roster report. and it's not like what i hoped!
and i felt empty.

yesterday was a blast!
we went to watch a squasy game at national squasy complex, bukit jalil.
the day fullfilled with all the best and happy moments.
had dinner at village view, and later on, dessert at baskin robbins mont kiara.
it was a blast!
but as soon as i get back home,
life's back to basic.
yes.
a boring day, today.
a silent night.

i've start not appreciating life anymore.
i know.
i need changes.
but just don't know what.

>>and i think i'm suffering depression right now. i need a break. and i just need someone to be with me. i need people. GOD, help me!!!!!!!

Monday, March 02, 2009

i'm cursed!
ada orang yang sangat suka and ucapkan kata rindu dan sebagainya, tapi aku akan tolak mentah-mentah.
dan akhirnya,
orang yang aku nak, memang takkan nak kat aku.
nak demam!

*kalau suka, akan just suka. tapi, kalau tak suka, akan just tak suka, walaupun hanta bunga seguni, bagi perfume sebakul, teddy bear selambak. kalau tak suka, memang susah nak buat aku suka.

Sunday, March 01, 2009

i'm actually confused.
i don't know how my chracteristics are.
can anyone list it down?
i've been thinking a lot!
some people says i'm this and some says i'm that.
i'm not sure how to judge.

okay. i need help on this! :) pleaseeee~

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

huwaaaarrgghhhh~

taktau nak pilih yang mana.

a-biar dia tahu kita wujud. buat dia perasan.
m-main tarik tali
n-jangan obvious
s-kasi ayat simple-simple je

dan akhirnya,

aku akan pilih:
aku nak berhenti dari permainan ini.
FULL STOP!
fine, kau takkan reply.
fine, kau memang takkan perasan kewujudan aku walaupun aku cuba nak bagi kau perasan.

dan.
aku tahu,
memang i'm unnoticeable.
b*d*h!

mode pelik.

yes.
in the mode nak layan movie indo jiwang :)
heee~
tak faham.
ape perasaan.
tapi faham.
saya kesunyian.
dan faham.
sangat mahu lepak dengan kawan.
bincangkan kisah cinta.
cerita cinta.
itu sahaja.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

ini.baca ini.

daripada seorang kawan :)
something different.
dia minta orang comment.
sekian, terima kasih.
*dia juga suruh bagi tajuk sendiri :)
dan perenggan tak tersusun.sebab ni copy+paste from word :)


******

Hari tu gua balik dari makan kat Sri Serdang. Gua tengok roomate gua tu dok termenung tepi tingkap. Gua pun tanye la die,"Bro, pehal ko monyok je ni?"Die

tengok gua balik. Diam tak cakap hape. "Awek lu lari ke?"gua tanye die lagi. Die sengih je cm kerang busuk. Ceh..cam retarded lak..tadi monyok,skunk tersengih2 lak. "Lu makan panadol menstrual ke?Tibe2 lak macam orang tak betul ni.."gua tanye sambil 'on' rokok sebatang."Kepale hotak lu..aku teringat kat awek aku laa..awek aku kan baru fly minggu lepas", mamat tu jawab. Laa..bersuare pun,ingatkan dah jadi bisu tadi..

Pastu die sambung lagi.."Ade ke patut awek aku kate kat aku supaye aku jangan jiwang sangat..Die kate for the sake of the relationship, better aku jangan terlalu ingat kat die.."Gua hembus asap rokok gua kat die..Die terbatuk-batuk.."Dah die kate kat lu camtu,so tak payah la ingat kat die lagi..yang lu gi layan blues malam2 minggu ni pehal?Gi la layan classmate lu yang lu cite aritu..Kate 34-27-32.."

"Aku lain dol, ko lain..Aku bukan cam ko..Ade awek pun tukar-tukar cam tukar boxer..Cam harammmm...",die cuba berlawak dengan gua..Gua tenung mata die dalam-dalam. Then gua sound die,"Kalo lu try wat pe yang awek lu suruh tu,sure lu akan jadi pe yg gua jadi skunk ni..". Pastu gua amik kunci motor dan prenggggggg..Gua chow tinggalkan malaun tu terpinga-pinga tak paham apahal tiba-tiba gua moody ngn lawak bodo die...Mesti die ingatkan gua yang telan panadol menstrual...Harammm...

Gua rase mate gua berpasir waktu gua layan 'lap' dekat2 ngn Mines tu.. Gua tau gua nak kua ayaq mate..Dan kalo gua nak kua ayaq mate,cume satu sebab je

setakat ni.. Sebab minah tu..biar la gua panggil die Minah X dalam cite ni..Takkan nak panggil Minah XXX lak..kang lu orang ingat cite lain lak...Citenya cmni.....

* * *

Minah X tinggalkan gua untuk melanjutkan pelajarannya ke UK 4 tahun lepas.Die kate die g tu 2 taun je..Tak lame..Gua pun seronok gak la..Bukan lame mane

pun..Tup..Tap..Tup..Tap..Bukak mata,tutup mata then buka balik dah 2 tahun..So gua tak de la risau kalo2 die terpikat ngn balak omputih kat sane. Sebab awek gua ni walaupun saiznye comel je tapi muke memang sedap mate memandang la..pendek kate, kalo Yusof Hazlam nampak sure die nak jadikan awek gua ni heroin drama kanak-kanak terbitan Skop Productions..hahaha..Ok2..back to our main objective sir..Setelah merilexkan hati gua untuk beberapa hari selepas Minah X tu fly, gua dh start rindu-rinduan dengan die..Dalam playlist mp3 gua tu, kalo ade 50 lagu,45 lagu tu lagu-lagu jiwang..Nak bangun tidur pun pasang alarm lagu jiwang..Nak tidur dengar lagi lagu jiwang..Nak makan pun dengar..Korek hidung pun dengar..Cume bile nak gi 'melabur saham' kat jamban je gua takdengar..Kang orang kate loklak lak gua ni kalo gua wat camtu..

Jadi, bile dah layan lagu2jiwang ni memang melayang la perasaan kite ni kan? lagi2 si Minah X tu jarang gle nak call gua,mesej gua ke, ym gua ke...Gua cam orang

gile lak bile gua ym ngn die sorunk2 walaupun die tak online pun mase tu..Bila dah sampai tahap kritikal camtu, gua cakap ni tak boleh jadi ni..Lama-lama camni, gua boleh jadi Mat Desperado ni..

”Mat Desperado, the man who likes to wear seluar Speedo”-tag line gua..

Hahahha..Eh gua ni berbakat gak jadi raja lawak ni ek?Takpe..next season die, gua g

audition..Lu org jangan isau..

Kemudian, dipendekkan cerita sampailah satu ketika gua dapat la akhirnya call die menggunakan internet line..Gua pun meluahkan ape yang terpendam sama seperti jejaka Romeo meluahkan perasaan hati bunganya kepada kekasihnya Juliet yang jelita. Minah X diam je dengar rayuan-rayuan gua tu. Tak sama macam respons yang selalu gua terima bila gua cakap camtu sebelum die fly.

Tibe-tibe die menyampuk"Awak..apa kate awak stop to talk all these craps? Bukannye saya tak suke dengar, cume bile awak kata camtu, awak macam menyeksa diri sendiri je. Tolong la jangan jadi jiwang sangat..Getik la saya dengar..."

Ohhh...Bayangkan la betapa luluhnya hati seorang jejaka kacak.tampan lagi keseorangan ketika mendengar ayat tu...Rase macam kene langgar dengan lori treiler

tayar 16 lepas tu kena seret sejauh beberapa kilometer sebelum ditinggalkan keseorangan atas jalan di kawasan hutan yang hanya dilalui orang sejam sekali.

"Err.. Kenape awak cakap camtu Miss X?"Gua tanye die balik.

"Takdela..Awak tu jiwang sangat..Cuma jadi cam lelaki lain..Bila cakap dengan awek dorunk, dorunk cakap macho je..Takdela merayu2 cam awak ni..Satu lagi, dorunk

semua tu tunggu je awek dorunk call..Bukan macam awak, 2 hari sekali nak dengar suara saya ni.."

"Lelaki lain tu biar la ..Ni saya, dah saya memang macam ni..Saya nak buat macam mana..Saya memang jiwang..I know I'm not like the others, rokok pun tak pernah hisap tapi bukan ke itu lagi bagus daripada lelaki-lelaki macho yang awak sebutkan tadi tu..?" gua balas balik.

"Memang la lagi bagus..tapi buat masa ni kita tengah berjauhan, tak payah la nak jiwang2 sangat..jiwang-jiwang pun bukannye dapat jumpe pun!!"Tooooottt....Kedengaran talian dimatikan oleh Minah X. Gua terus menyanyi dalam hati...

"I need you, I'm for you

You threw me, I caught you

Don't leave me and say that you want to find a way back

Believe me, I followed all you said... Oh

Operator, the line is dead"

-Jason Lo(Oh Operator,The Line Is Dead)

Dan sejak daripada itu, gua tak berpaling ke belakang. "She'll get what she wants", gua cakap dalam hati."If this what you want, well this is it", itulah ayat e-mail

yang gua bagi kepada die beberapa hari kemudian. Gua terus berubah sama ada dari segi ketrampilan, personaliti, mentaliti, identiti, mahupun jasa bakti. Gua mula main asap..

Bukan sebatang dua sehari tapi kurang-kurang 3 kotak sehari. Mak gua dah sibuk berleter pasal tu tapi gua wat muke blur je. Masuk telinga kiri, keluar lubang kentut kanan. Gua mula bersosial dengan gadis-gadis idaman se-Malaya yang selama ni gua wat endah tak endah sebab gua ada Minah X di sisi gua.

Gua pun dah mula start bawak motor laju-laju Tapi, sori beb moto gua ni bukan tahap rempit-rempitan pakai tu. Motor gua ni tahap dewa-dewa je pakai. Gua pun tak reti nak menyebut jenis motor gua ni. Cume yang boleh gua katakan, habis gak la separuh duit ASB gua untuk beli motor dewa-dewaan ni. Bagi gua, semua yang gua buat ni pada mulanya hanyalah untuk membuktikan yang gua dah tak jiwang. Buktikan pada siapa? Buktikan pada Minah X la..

Tapi lama-kelamaan semua tabiat-tabiat cam ‘haremmm’ ni dah mula sebati dalam hidup gua. Kalau setakat gadis-gadis ni, gua layan 3, 4 orang dalam satu masa. Dan terbukti apa yang Minah X cakap tu betul..Gadis-gadis ni mule merayu2 datang kat gua bile gua tinggalkan dan tak layan dorunk lame sikit. Walaupun setiap kali sebelum tidur gua akan menjerit dalam bantal gua kerana tertekan dengan apa yang 'the another gua' lakukan tapi gua tahu gua dah ketagih dengan cara hidup seperti ini.

Dan akhirnya gua pun jadi apa yang lu orang saksikan skunk. Seorang pelalok yang sentiase terjepit rokok Gold Dunhill di bibir, mate kuyu sebab tak cukup tidur layan call awek sampai 4 pagi, helmet tahap alagappas dibimbit bersama rambut paras bahu ala-ala Jehan Miskin..wakakaka..Beza gua dengan mamat tu, gua lagi hensem...

* * *

Habis bermonolog dengan diri sendiri tu, gua pulas lagi accelerate motor gua..Gua dah nak dekat sampai Bukit Ampang; tempat gua selalu lepak kalau gua tertekan dalam hal-hal camni. Gua tukar lagu mp3 dalam poket jaket gua..Gua dah hafal mane butang-butangnye so gua switch ke lagu Black Strobe, bertajuk I'm A Man...Dengar lagu ni baru dapat mood raja jalanan..Gua bersedia untuk memecut ke tahap maksima..Impak maksima!!!

Now when I was a little boy,

At the age of five,

I had somethin in my pocket,

Keep a lot of folks alive.

Now I’m a man,

Made twenty-one,

You know baby,

We can have a lot of fun.

I’m a man,

I spell m-a-n...man.

All you pretty women,

Stand in line,

I can make love to you baby,

In an hours’ time.

Im a man,

I spell m-a-n...man.

I goin back down,

To Kansas to

Bring back the second cousin,

Little john the conqueroo.

Im a man,

I spell m-a-n...man.

The line I shoot,

Will never miss,

The way I make love to em,

They can’t resist.

I’m a man,

I spell m-a-n...man.

Gua pecut sampai 180k/j..Pelesit pun boleh kalah kalau dia try nk outrun gua..Gua potong 2, 3 bijik kereta kiri dan kanan gua.. Menyelit-nyelit..Gua bet dorunk semua sure menyumpah gua dan 7 keturunan gua sebab aksi berani mati gua yang hanya boleh ditonton dalam cerita aksi Hong Kong...Gua nampak jalan lurus kat depan..Lurus dan kosong..Ade cahaya di hujungnya..Erkk..Gua ni dah nak mati ke? Macam selalu je dengar tempat yang lurus, kosong dan there is a light at the end of it. Dan ianya akan diakhiri dengan ayat...And you will see your destiny there...Mengarut-ngarut..

Tiba-tiba gua rasa jantung gua vibrate tahap 7.5 skala Ritcher. Handphone gua dalam jaket ni masuk satu mesej..Dengan gaya Singh The Tamil Hero (When James Bond is just a pussy cat..), gua baca mesej tu dalam keadaan motor yang masih meluncur laju...

I'm sori for all these 4 years.Plz b urself back.I miss u...xxx

Gua skrol bawah lagi untuk tengok nama sender dan............Minah X....

Gua terpana...Cahaya di hujung jalan semakin menghampiri...Lintasan semua kehidupan songsang gua terpapar di hadapan mata gua..Bile masa lak helmet gua ade pasang skrin LCD ni? Dan di akhir lintasan itu, terpapar wajah comel Minah X..Cahaya itu melenyapkan wajahnya dan gua melihat ke dalam cahaya itu......

Treiler 16 tayar!!!Betul-betul di hadapan gua!!!YA ALLAH!!!! Skrettttttttttttttt...................POMMMM!!!!!

Tamat

*****